and so...i gave it one more try yesterday.(:

yet another disappointment tonight.
but still im glad i did what i did cos it was what i wanted to do
and to my best ability
at least i can answer to myself.
at least the disappointment doesnt come from myself.

The word love can refer to a variety of different feelings, states, and attitudes, ranging from generic pleasure to intense interpersonal attraction. This diversity of meanings, combined with the complexity of the feelings involved, makes love unusually difficult to consistently define, even compared to other emotional states.
As an abstract concept love usually refers to a strong, ineffable feeling towards for another person. Even this limited conception of love, however, encompasses a wealth of different feelings, from the passionate desire and intimacy of romantic love to the nonsexual.

indeed a complexity of feelings involved.

Habits are automatic routines of behavior that are repeated regularly, without thinking.They are learned, not instinctive, human behaviors that occur automatically, without the explicit contemporaneous intention of the person. The person may not be paying attention to or be conscious or aware of the behavior. When the behavior is brought to the person's attention, they may be able to control it.

and so...love shouldnt be a habit

this weekend has been a highly anticipated one
cos sweetie is back from his field camp!
and since he doesnt have anymore key events in bmtc anymore
he should be worry-free and enjoy his well-deserved break.
and and he booked out on thurs night and only book in on mon night.
so we can have a long weekend tgth!
loads of time and chance to catch up with each other (:
and he'll get plenty of rest and a well-rested sweetie is a happy sweetie!

and so on thursday, i was really looking forward to seeing him after a good long 11days!
ok fine, only 11days.
but well, his desire to eat cheese fries and fried chicken at KFC with his platoon mates surpass his desire to see me.
i know he hasnt tasted any good food especially during the six days at field camp.
so i can uds his cravings.
but he reached home at 12midnight and he din tell me he's not meeting me
and so i waited and waited and in the end i din meet him that night.
but you know, there is just this sudden disappointment cos all along i tot i cud meet him on thurs, but it turned out tt i had to wait for one more day.
(and the reason are eating KFC with platoon mates whom he had spent with for the past 11days.I don't nec have to see him on his book out night itself, but he told me he cud meet me in the first place!)
this kind of disappointment sucks cos it comes from well, him.
and then it makes me feel like im not understanding enough and i shouldn't be too overbearing.
and i was so disappointed at myself
cos i've promised to be really understanding and supportive and this time, i've failed.
and this kind of disappointment is even worse cos it comes from well, myself.

work on fri was alright but time seemed to crawl
cos i was finally going to meet him that night.
okay, so my anger only lasted one night and i cant rmb tt i was supposed to be angry at him
but i cudnt really stay angry at him for long anyway
dined at sun plaza delifrance and caught iron man at yishun gv.
i was sleeping through half of the movie cos it just seems so boring to me and i really just cant watch movie on weekday after my work.
work shagged me out totally.
but i dun mind watching it cos he really wants to watch it.

worked half day on saturday and i went for a proper date with sweetie!
shopped at town, and watched what happens in Vegas at Lido!
it was such a great movie.so much better than iron man!
settle for fish and co for dinner
and it was his first time eating there.
i love bringing him to nice restaurants he had nvr been before and then made him pay after that
but i oso love treating him to food he has never eat before like marche and chocolate fondue!
















we had a great time that night! (:

sunday was spent at home the whole day
cos sweetie was too tired to go out anymore and so i let him off for one day.haha!
was supposed to go over his hse but he cant even stay awake long enuff to msg me.
and my sis and I had this sudden impulse to cook dinner ourselves.
cos we are sick of eating outside food. we need healthier choice.
and so we headed to NTUC and bought ingredients
we were so clumsy in the kitchen
but it was so fun cooking together(:
i have zero experience in cooking unless u count watching my mum cooks.
but at least we managed to whip out some edible food
and so we decided to cook dinner again on monday night.
and it makes me want to take up cooking lessons!

worked half day for today.
and headed down to sweetie's house.
helped him to pack,fold and finally stuff all his things into his bag.
it was so heavy.I cudnt even lift it up.
had a light dinner at his house and he sent me home.
i din send him off cos ive promised my sis tt i'll be home to cook tgth with her.
i felt so bad not sending him off though, cos tt's what ive been doing without fail even though i had to take the long 39 journey back alone.
was purposely trying to get back to him cos he din meet me on thurs night.
but i regretted cos seeing my botak sweetie carrying his heavy bag, sitting alone on the bus 39 and thinking tt he has to be book in agn, he must be feeling lousy.
but oh wells, i shouldnt pamper him tt much should i?

dinner was simple but good. so simply good!
the sense of achievement is really good(:
i can cook! i can cook!haha
we tried harder dish this time round with more pre-preparations to do.
and these are our products!
















they were just really simple home cooked dishes.
not much oil and salt and no MSG (:
and with no meat at all cos we have not yet reach tt level.
took us 2 and a half hr just to cook this and we ended up being too tired and full to eat alot.
but it was really fun!
i like the feeling of whipping up something good for my loved ones!
and im sure going to cook with my sweetie next time and force him to eat(:

and this is our shagged and messy look after cooking
but still totally happy, proud and satisfied! (:

went out with my sis last week
had k lunch and the food was so-so only














it's better than mine.





















extended our k lunch session to 3pm and then headed down to shop at heeren
bought a cap over there and im so in love with it (:(:
best buy for the day!


















after that we went to taka and wisma in search for decent and pretty formal working clothes for my sis who will be starting her internship and also a present for may.
but the formal clothese there were either too pricey or it makes us look old/weird.
and tada, surprise surprise, in the end, it was me who bought another causal top there.
carried on our shopping trip at far east
and my sis finally bought 2 formal wear and surprise suprise agn, i spent yet agn on another handbag.
but i really love it (:

after spending so much money tt day,
we decided to save on dinner money and went home for dinner.
had a great day that day even though i spent so much (or shld i say precisely i bought so many things i love , tt's why i had a great day)
and i enjoyed myself because the day was fruitfully spent with my beloved sis!
seldom go out with her ever since my weekends were always spent with sweetie
and she was busy with her uni stuff
so i really miss this kind of sisters day out!






















i love my sis! (:

just chatted over the fone with hunny! (:
it brightens up my gloomy lonely night.
the wonders of my sweetie~~
this is so much worse than his first sixteen days of confinement.
time never seem to crawl so slowly before.
his field camp is on sat, so tentatively his next book out will be next thurs.
let it be ard evening/night,
cos i wanna be the first person he sees after his book-out! (:
okay, tml is another day at work agn...

i dread going to work next week
matthew is gg for his reserviest training,
so there's nobody to protect my WINPCs department
and i have to liase straight with Pratap, my proj manager every day
but luckily wanqi's joining my company from tml onwards
though we'll be doing different things, but it will make my life at work better(:
and i think im going on board on 14 may for the naming ceremony
just hope that there will be overalls for my size (:

anyway my contract extended to end of july which i am positively sure that the ship will sail by then!
of cos they have to extend my contract.haha!
nobody in my company knows how to do my work
and who else would want to do a temp $6/hr job like mine.
I have to do daily reports for the area managers, have one-to-one meeting with my proj manager almost daily,have random meetings with our ang mohs clients
and even have to do daily verbal report to my MC manager.
and all these are on top of all the other regular things i have to do like, filing, scanning, punch in/out and keeping track of the MCC/DAC status.
and den slogged like hell to work almost 10 hrs a day and work 7 days/week.
but luckily the ppl in my department are all nice ladies
and my managers treated us to no sign board seafood at vivocity last wed.
but we met with a car accident. our car got banged by ya-ya driver who refused to admit it was his fault and we almost called the police.
just because ours is a malaysia car, this driver tot tt we are good victims.
and in the end, it was so dramatic cos we called for help from other managers and they turned out looking as if a gang fight is gg to happen.
and the ya-ya driver finally gave in.
anyway dinner was good. the crabs and prawns were very delicious and they were in large portions.

the WINPCS gals and ladies!

with my MC manager. I look so spastic here














and we celebrated Sharon's birthday!















headed to St james after that.
it was so crowded cos it was public hols eve
and as usual, i'm the only one who need to check my I/C.
but it was ladies night so i went in free, got one complimentary drink in the boiler room and five complimentary drinks for Bellini room.
danced and played some usual clubbing games
but it was really so crowded and so i went home early
and it was sweetie's book out night and i din went to fetch him
and instead i went out clubbing w/o him
i felt so bad. but i couldnt reject my colleagues esp since my contract is extending.
and omg, there's another dinner with Pratap and our ang mohs clients dis coming fri
and i really dun feel like going.

labour day was of course spent with my dearest sweetheart
but since he has to book in at night,
we only went to causeway point to shop for a while
and he treated me to gelare waffle ice cream! (:
went to his hse and talked to his mum while he napped.
and then sent him to pasir ris for his book in at 9pm.
he was especially dreading for his book in tt night, even though it was only for one day.
and i hate seeing him so upset.

he had an earlier book out on saturday cos he had to go back to his sch to collect some prize for his college day
i din went to fetch him though cos i need to work.
but i pei-ed him to his sch, waited him to get his prize before heading to some hotel in city hall for mother's day celebration dinner with his family and his 2 other relatives' families.
we went on seperate ways with the others after dinner and walked ard city hall.
most shops were closed by then
but all i wish for is a little more time like this tgth.
he send me home near 12am
and for once i allow him to cab back cos he was terribly tired.

went to his hse in the afternoon today, helped him pack his stuff
poured our hearts out and we talked abt how we are gg to accomodate each other since changes are inevitable at this pt of time.
i'm glad that i cud tok to him abt everything and anything so easily.
i dun want any one of us to keep any unhappiness to ourselves
cos sharing does make everything better.
i'm glad that both of us know how to give and take, be supportive and understanding.
ate dinner cooked by his mum and den sent him to pasir ris for his book in at 745pm.
was a little late so we cabbed there
sweetie was so sweet cos he offered to pay for my cab fee if i want to cab back home
but i took bus home anyway.
it's going to be a long 11 days without him again cos he's gg for his field camp.
but absence makes the heart grow fonder.